familiarity vs annoyance. round 1.

It has been a long time since I’ve devoted any time to my posts. Its not like I didn’t have much to write about; procrastination just led to things piling up one above the other and I couldn’t really begin to get myself to start unraveling all those tangled strings of thoughts and put it down coherently into something singular. Even now, I’m not really writing this with any point in mind; but I do feel a sense of direction. I even tried to write a few posts earlier but at the end of the day, all I really had to show for my efforts are some random incomplete drafts. Maybe I can make this about the last few weeks of my life which really wasn’t much. Just random college hours, a few obligatory and a few spontaneous outings, odd hours on the Xbox strung together to complete a picture of a mundane, unexciting lifestyle in its very essence. Be as that may- a rather comfortable one as well. Sometimes, there is more to life than the larger picture; robotic drifting through the cycles for one, bundled with an abundance of familiar, friendly routine and the ability to whizz past time.  Nothing exciting has happened around for quite a bit now. But then my adrenalin is produced in fewer circumstances now. Adapt.

It’s really strange how something you hate so much is sometimes so difficult to let go because it is now something that defines you. Hate and total loathing and dogmatic disgust and contempt walking hand in hand with habitual, accustomed routine that mesmerizes and beckons and pleads with you to stay. When faces you’re seen constantly passed in the hallways and given but a cursory glance begin to start you wondering if you are going to miss them, you’re pretty much in for the ride. Given the opportunity, I’d probably do things no differently. But then, I guess it is in my nature to second-guess all my actions.

I thought I would *hate* being posted in oral surgery. I didn’t. It wasn’t bad at all. Well, it was initially because the people there wanted to maintain the landscape around them as it was. I didn’t fit in. Initially. But as the warm touch of acquaintance crept in, there really were no problems then. I haven’t really made a lot of friends during my stay in college. I was aloof, introverted, chinky, snobby, pensive, geeky and i didn’t give a fuck. Thing is- I had been very accustomed to being surrounded by a lot of like- minded circle of friends. So when the scene wasn’t really me, I shrunk back in recoil and got comfortable inside my own shell. Routine set in. I really have nothing against anyone. To each their own. Live and let live. And all that stuff. I was uncompromising and wasn’t ready to bend no matter what the percussions. Unstoppable force meeting an immovable object. Anyway, college wasn’t really what I was led to believe. Too bad you don’t get another shot at it. What’s done is done.

8 days to go. I’ll know how I feel about leaving when I do.


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