Archive for July, 2010

*borrowed mood elevator*

Movie gossip. College gossip. Movie gossip. College.
Even trying hurt his insides now, bringing with it uncontrolled tremors and vehement chills. The faces, painted and tattooed, were crafted, adeptly, to smile and seduce, make promises. The feathers on the back of his neck bristled; anger was key. Deep anger layered above with petty annoyance and embellished with carefree apathy. She was dancing into a marriage he thought would end in another primal male-female ritualistic symbiosis, with her worshipping the ground he walks on and him, well, being him. He did not care enough to intervene though. That and the fact that it wasn’t his place to. Everyone needs something to look forward to. Time drags its paralyzed hind limbs forward slowly when you are willing it to fly gracefully by. Slow motion begins with an inceptive attempt. Sands of time only obey gravity. Voices are harder to drown out when they only fluctuate when they get louder.

– He is verrryy strict with his sisters.
   Age difference, no?
– Oh my God! I cannot believe this!
  (Indecipherable squeal)
– He says someone has to be strict otherwise these girls will be out of control, no?
– Oh my God! I cannot believe it!
  (Routine, practised, encouraging, neutral squeal)
Sighs don’t push forward. Nor does it alleviate suffering. He knew that now.

… continue reading this entry.


smile? no. snarl!


Taedae sims tae bee ah good dae. Et sims sonny enuff. Ma ituch steel dawnt wurk. Thaet part steel socks. Ah head to sing oot loud for thae lack oof musik th’oug whin braushing. Enyoon realize yit thaet whin yir 24 yirs oald, thae oonly songs thaet com tae minde whin ya sing ar thouse ya listen’d tae whin yir een high school? Ah stuck tae singing Fridae th’oug because eet ays Fridae. An’ eet reely simed tae bee ah good dae. “Ya come aroond, shave ma baird!” Thaet fuckin bloke Asswen reely deed ask thaet ah dae. Fuckin cunt. Ahs goat masef ah sparse growth oof hear aroond ma cheen, an’ thae fuckin fascist mistook eet fir ah goatie, and wandered whi ah didnae shave eet. Truth ays- ah dawnt. Fortnightly mebbe. Ah’m extempt frim cuttin parts ooff ma budy ‘ery alt’nate daes. Ah prolly dawnt hav tae fir the rest of surgery. Ah goats massef ah cuple oof elec’ric razurs. An’ the shite wud eways bee oootta batt’ry whin ah nided thems. Su ah goat ah manual oan. Shite rusts befur ma nexst shaive. Bad inv’stmint, innit?!

… continue reading this entry.

no rants here. =)

How messed up can my days get! No time frame but off the top of my wet head-

  1.  I’ve had my laptop crash and made to wait for three weeks by the repair guy only to bring it home and have it crash again,
  2. Been sent home on the first day of my Oral Surgery posting to change my converse,
  3. Ordered to get a haircut by the same fascist regime in Oral Surgery,
  4. Had my friend leave Bangalore,
  5. Dropped my itouch into water (Apple doesn’t believe in disclosure and repairs),
  6. Got only 7.5 on my IELTS,
  7. Been stuck in surgery everyday being subject to the daily round of gossip,
  8. Gone on a losing spree while playing Fifa World Cup on Live,
  9. Been sick for most of July,
  10. Watched the World Cup finals with a 101 deg fever and chills till around 3 AM,
  11. Not been able to decide what I should have, by now, decided.
  12. Been more idle than a stray dog wandering about and sleeping lazily in the sun,
  13. Anything else I list would not be off the top of my wet head.

And I just got home drenched after waiting for the rains to subdue for an hour in college. That plus deciding to come home for lunch and being forced to seek shelter in a shop about 500 metres from home- courtesy the unpredictable downpour. Life is far from perfect. But I have learnt to smile through most of it. I doesn’t bother me much and I have taken it all pretty well, save a few grumbles. I’m learning to smile. It still requires work and it might look more like a grimace if I showed you and you might think I am in some mild discomfort and wonder what it may be; but I’m learning to smile. =)


*new post added*

I hate state-the-obvious conversations. If you have nothing to say, talking about the weather is going to earn you more respect points. If your keen observation has led you to conclude that half the Dutch football team have the word Van in their names, I really don’t want to hear it. And if I don’t respond coherently and mumble an argreement as I stare on fixedly at the TV, it isn’t cue for you to then proceed to individually read out all the player’s name off the screen. I might be  trying to block you out. It won’t work if you don’t stop talking. No, I don’t know if Van is a very popular name in Holland. I would understand if Dyke was or if they added a Vroom after the Van. No, it’s open to debate- one that I think I will pass and refuse to partake in. … continue reading this entry.

i abdicate everything. thank you for playing.

I have options. I have more options now than I ever did at any other point in my life. It is the same every time  I go one milestone down. Milestone- decisions- insomnia. Repeat. I had written this out in the evening and thought this blog was ending up in the can. Its 2:00 AM now and I’m sitting here out in the hall rereading while this friend of mine lies around watching Kick Ass while nursing a hangover. Nursing it back to a drunken stupor if he had his way I’m sure. Staying on track- Decisions. Life should come with a manual. One path forks into three and then again divides and redivides until the whole place is littered with confusing distributaries; every glance back setting off a time-bomb of hesitant pondering. What if’s and what would’s. You never outgrow growing pains. The rebellious streak dies out and you either seep into an oblivious bounce with a fixed mask-like grin plastered onto your face, or  into quiet desperation and reluctant acceptance. But the growing pains- they never get old. … continue reading this entry.