Archive for May, 2010

“fucker you are!”

I want my morning back. I had it all for me and then it was brazenly taken away from me. And now I’m so aggravated that I could spark and ignite and explode; in that order.

There was a post graduate conference in Oxford Dental College yesterday on Conservative Dentistry and Endodontics. I was selected as one of the volunteers; the only sluggish and scowling face among the other ten or so genially animated ones. I don’t know how that works really. You’re a ‘volunteer’ that someone selects; to do ‘voluntary’ work and help out. So anyways, I had to sit at the help desk and retrieve registration numbers for the morons who had forgotten theirs. That is a scary thought. Now, these were pseudo-doctors who HAD been provided with a registration number, had been TOLD that they would require it and had STILL forgotten them. Not really the kind of doctors I would want to knowingly go to. Anyway, like they say, “To err is human, to forgive divine”. Good thing divinity is not of my faculties. … continue reading this entry.

just add fuel.

The fire didn’t bother him anymore,
he sat comfortably at its heart,
blank and expressionless while the flames danced in around him circles.
What do you do when you’re frozen in a damp swamp
mindful of everything around you,
and yet frustratingly incapacitated?
How do you do it?
Meanwhile- it swung on.
The velocity reducing to nothingness at each zenith-
the calm before the storm.
The storm was on its way.

The day was done.
Every chore complete, … continue reading this entry.

they are awesome.

They said he could’ve been something,
this boy- he could’ve been someone.
They said he had passion and determination,
this boy- he had all it took.
But when the earth opened up and swallowed him whole,
it took it all. His passion, the something he could’ve been, the someone he could’ve been, his determination.
He was always a disposable space.
Another always there to take his place,
another product at a manufacturing plant.
Sunday mornings don’t mean shit anymore,
everyday could be a monday too.
They said they missed him,
and then headed out to buy their groceries,
other flipped channels more rigorously.
They’re always right- the collective, unanimous they.

They disappear when the light fails.
The collective, unanimous they.
One being that never falters or dies away,
rearing its hydra heads and smiling genuinely
in a perfectly void world.
Relativity is the only truth,
his friends are all there chatting merrily,
They all live in his head.

firewalled

Kaleidoscopes roll on by,
blurry streaks of light, angry screams,
Stuck here between the darkness and the light,
Purgatory, sweet purgatory,
in limbo, without a clue,
the only thing beside me my blues.
Stars afar aglow,
smile on,
here into the grass I burrow,
shredded grass and overflowing thoughts.
Looking back into the shadows
make me numb.

“Focus on the path ahead”,
they say as brambles and thorns cut into my callused feet.
Tired, weary and medicated and wrapped in bandages,
trudge on dragging behind the waning light,
tears fail me, suddenly overwhelm me,
Upbeat drumbeats, nostalgic music,
Quivering lips that are parched with agonizing stories.
Build me up, tear me down,
bullet to the brain- stop me from thinking.
I surrender, I give up, I’ve failed,
Let me stay down.
Keep me down.

lamb of god.

I was editing this one post and then I decided to rewrite it all over again. I have a lot of free time. I probably suffer from mild OCD but its undiagnosed and that plus the free time gives you a chance to chase your whims. No one’s complaining.

So what *do* you do when you get home at 1 am in the morning [the emphasis on ‘do’ is because I’ve asked that question already in the last post I was editing? Pay attention] hanging out with these bunch of people you don’t know and would never even meet except by a freak coincidence? A bunch of people your age sitting around sipping on beer and listening to loud music and being utterly amazed by this bond they share? Experiencing this overall atmosphere of rampant love and acceptance? What *do* you do then? [Same question. Third time. Keep up]. There is no correct answer really. You wonder. You sit and wonder and sieve through your thoughts and all the rational plausible explanations and come up empty. It is just what it is. Or it seems to be that way atleast. Adolescent mirages, youthful chimera- bitter sweet and tantalizing. I was like that. I really was. But now it just seems to be as ancient and distant as stories about Peter Pan. And the final brutality move- they’ve been around each other for two years and then been apart for the next four save fortnightly holidays together. Whatever happened to years of living together in a closed environment and doing everything almost together for nine years with absolutely no other social contact- I’ll never know! Just a couple of days of peering in through the glass and trying to work out how this thing works is obviously not enough but I’m being hopeful here. And I don’t find a single flaw. … continue reading this entry.

*bounce*

The hills are eroded away.
suffocating and buried in memories
The tall trees are without limbs
the cool breezes no longer sing.
Eagle’s Craig devoid of the sweet smell of ganja-
stringless guitars, and
necrotic knees,
bitter tea.
Long queues of listless ghosts drifting
down narrow streets, of the hills,
in those hills,
where he’ll never be again.

The fresh air turned musty and old,
the unpredictable mist long gone, … continue reading this entry.

Na. atomic no.- 11

I’m sodium. Explosive nucleus under all the indifference. Things break past the gates sometimes though. And the consequence is not pleasant. Not that I’m a repulsively obnoxious asshole that makes you choke on your bile. But I wouldn’t be going out on a limb if I said that most people around me are tolerant of me. Until the sodium factor kicks in that is. Growing up in the hostel and brimming with adolescent energy was characterized by the sodium surfacing though. More times than I am comfortable acknowledging. But it would be wrong to blatantly deny it too. My temper though dormant, under wraps and closely guarded, is not something I would put down on my resume or casually throw into a conversation. The reasons are obvious- it will leave you with a burnt and scalded face and me writhing in agony with the searing pain. … continue reading this entry.

buy me a ‘drank’!

This is totally weird. Let me rant awhile and then explain myself. So this evening- there I was having another cumbersome bout of depression and identity crisis. One thought led to another and I ended up wondering about the validity of the glass half-full, half-empty argument. I’m surprised I cared enough. But getting depressed does that. Ask anyone who gets chronically and irrevocably depressed. My opinion would be big-league and totally ponderous in this scenario. So as it happens, its supposed to reflect your degree of pessimism/ optimism. Who the fuck cares! Really?! I mean there’s this glass that is half-empty and half-full at the same time. Calling it half-full doesn’t fill it out completely and labeling it half-empty is not going to drain it out wholly either. You look at it differently but the status quo remains essentially the same. You block out the half you choose to. That’s all. Philosophers be damned. Indifference is where it is at. I’m so tomorrow, you are yesterday! … continue reading this entry.

the end is near

a lifetime gone by,
an era that dragged on far too long,
long, arduous climbs and early morning smokes,
on and on and on some more-
cataracts on my eyes
numb anesthetic lethargy
apathy turned up high.

It is all over-
gone in the blink of an eye … continue reading this entry.

queen of the hills!

a sunny day, the sunny way
under these clear blue skies I lazily lay

dreaming vivid dreams,
and nostalgic, sweet ones-
people I knew, faces I saw once
Chance, luck, a second glance
Times have changed and still we slow dance
to the music from the past-
haunting melodies that forever last.

A coin tossed up high- … continue reading this entry.