Archive for April, 2010

fart has haemorrhoids. i didn’t want to know.

My life has settled back into its regular uniform dullness. That I hate. Waking up to the same alarm and going through the process of yet another repetitive day is distressing. And the autowalas are the last straw; first thing in the morning. The metro construction better be worth all the detours everyone in Bangalore need to put up with. That and all the trees getting cut down. They better produce oxygen too.

Bad things happen to good people. My friend from college, Fart, who joined the gym with me has haemorrhoids. Lol’s aside, the guy is leading a life of quiet suffering. And he claims the crunches he did yesterday made them worse. The doctor has forbade him to indulge in any spicy food AND given him a rectal examination. The doctor was this guy studying MBBS in KIMS Hospital; Fart’s friend. Now that’s a ‘close’ friend. XD

In other news, the rains are here to stay. … continue reading this entry.

post-happiness days.

Dental camps suck. On weekends, they suck more. And so do people who are bossy by default and can’t help themselves and being a stranger does not really deter them in any way. “Pooja dental is mental” (some random graffiti) hit it spot on. Carcinomas suck too. And the heat. Crusher machines don’t. Piles of gravel waiting to be transported in big, orange trucks with smiling drivers with their ever ready greetings- they don’t either. I don’t mind the dust then. And hills- don’t even get me started- hills NEVER suck. More the altitude, the happier I am. XD Going to national market after the camp to buy Fart’s earphones in semi-rain– well, Fart was happy. That didn’t suck either.

Listening to it makes me smile and picture you dancing around in the room stepping from side to side and nodding your head simultaneously. It makes me borderline feminine too esp since I’ve listened to it ALL morning. And afternoon. But it also makes me exceptionally happy; the picturing you in my head part and I find myself witlessly smiling to myself. Cut your hair, cut your hair! Its onnnly going to get hotter! XD

College week is over. … continue reading this entry.

random

random song playing right now-

Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I’m about to say
But trying to be genuine was harder than it seemed
But somehow I got caught up in between

Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I’m about to say
But trying to be someone else was harder than it seemed
And somehow I got caught up in between

Between my pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
And things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that’s worse than one is none

untitled

the rains are here, summer’s gone
continuous downpour
flowing down treacherous abysses now that the pain is here
veiled are those shimmery rays; that cozy, radiant warmth
what will be will always be-
the cycle of everything perpetually on a treadmill
running, out of breath, running.
atleast the ailing, dry leaves gasping for their life
now get their fill.
summer will be back.

*shudder*

When it rains as heavily as it did today, people dig deep into their hearts to find some warmth there. That cozy feeling of belonging; that faint glimmer of light that keeps out the harsh chill. It’s when you search desparately in vain and come up empty that you know you’re in trouble. I used to be a happy person. Moderately happy atleast. Now I’m not. A manic, chronic depressive cocooned in an illusionary armour of apathy- “present!”. Emptiness is what I feel. A deep-rooted desparate sense of shallowness. I can’t find solace in the small things anymore. The big things- I have no idea what they are. Stuck in a place I don’t want to be in, familiar places pushed back in my head because they are too painful to remember, there’s darkness all around. Every street I walk into after turning a corner goes dark, pitch black. I’m a shadow, dark, ugly, hooded and borderline obese.

I think of  ‘monopoly’ a lot, more than the cut-off for a healthy person if there was one. … continue reading this entry.

“grow up, i said!”

I was sitting on the sidewalk drinking my afternoon coffee beside the run-down chai-wala when I first saw it. Utter despair- that’s what it was; a small, baby monkey screeching, scared and as nervous as nervousness gets. It seemed lost and looking for something or trying to get somewhere. It’s mother as nowhere in sight. It was on the trees in front of me, barely higher than the barb-wires around it, jumping from one branch to another undecidedly but slowly making its way to the dusty ground, frightened screeching continuing. Once on the ground, it faced with a new challenge. The traffic rushed past the site around the metro construction, horns blaring, thick smoke billowing. … continue reading this entry.

over and over

over and over
and over some more.
numb and unblinking and
breathing gone cold;
jagged ends, a frayed out dress
more is more and less is less-
more or less.
waste of good breaths
rotten through the length
with maggots, arid stench
laid out dead in a coarse, stone bench
no tombstone, no last words
no notes, no black.
empty, and hollow, body slack
and dead

run.

i run, i recover.
move on over and over.
Slow down, trot, trip and trudge
Aimless journeys without a cause
The April sun burns on bright
Crystal clear daylight,
foggy head
Sweat dripping down a burned forehead.
Angels in my ashtray,
frayed out ends on a runic clayware.
My feet don’t stop.
Even when i crawl.
Bleeding feet and sacrilegious feats.
klutz is me, empty deeds.
The walls closing in on me…

‘we are all possessed’ *eerie music*

Everybody knows this (?)- we are a combination of our bodies and souls; more like physically repulsive bodies and our mentally unstable souls actually. But then I would do better to speak only for myself. I’m not sure i wanna take any sides at all when it comes to this. I don’t have an opinion on the matter and i’m reluctant to accept any divine words that are around. There are so many factors that need to be considered. Hinduism puts it pretty bluntly. Everything in this world is an illusion and we are but temporary guests with a stipulated time. We do what we do with what is given to us and then it’s judged, measured and compared with the ideal and then karma comes around and sodomises us. The end result- we are dished out our punishments or our rewards (yeah right) whatever the case may be, in an illusory world. That thought is in itself pretty depressing, isn’t it? Even by my chronically depressed standards. To break it down, everything we do has a virtual consequence. More like one of those new networking games though I venture to claim that farmville is a lot more forgiving even if the results in both scenarios are vague, unreal and cyclic. A serpent eating it’s own tail and regenerating at an equal pace. On and on and on and on.
… continue reading this entry.

borderline ugly is ugly.

Binocular vision- a boon or a bane? Sure it’s perfect for guaging the distance between you and the old station wagon in front of you while you commute to work all the while contributing to global warming that keeps us warm and fuzzy. Sure it helps estimate the enormity of the distance to the bright stars scattered amidst those thick clouds of smog. I’m taking about the more important things. Like someone seeing the isolated hair follicle at the bottom of that deep pit in your chin. The exact awkward curvature your nose makes when you stand in profile. How that dark, enigmatic beauty spot is actually the scarred remains of your pubertal tryst, hormonal assaults on your face. Does add character, doesn’t it? I think it’s really unfair to us lesser mortals that we can’t just one day decide to do something about the way we look and get a make-over while being our quinessential self. FYI- I’m not a plastic, freckled teenaged girl with pink braces
spending unhealthy periods of time in front of a webcam. More like a total dork in my mid-twenties finally able to stand up to and tell my parents how I’m now an adult with a voter’s card and a doctor’s degree and should be able to grow my hair and get my eyebrows pierced if I feel that it helps my personal growth (i’m not sure it does). … continue reading this entry.

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